When I was in the 4th grade I played the violin in our class orchestra.  While I enjoyed learning music and making music, physically it was grueling.  I do not recall complaining, at least not outwardly, and asking to change instruments was not even an option in my mind, but at the end of each class and each lesson I could be certain that the inside of my right (affected side) thumb would be red and bruised and hurt a lot.

When the next school year rolled around and instrument selection once again took place, I knew that I would not be choosing the violin again.  So now what do I pick?  Last year the violin seemed such a logical choice, but now the evaluation of the right instrument was beginning all over again.

I could rule out all string instruments.  It was clear that those were not very compatible with my hand.

The decision was made easier as I approached it from a practical standpoint — just about all of my classmates were now on year 2 of their instrument.  They already knew the basics and could play songs.  I would be starting from scratch, so I had some catching up to do.

What would give me the best chance to catch up?

Lessons.  Beyond what we do during school hours and beyond practicing on my own, lessons from someone who knew more than me.

Where would I obtain such lessons?

Some of my classmates were hardcore musicians and received professional lessons from the music shop in town.  While I wanted to learn faster, I wasn’t that interested, and it didn’t even occur to me to ask my parents to sign me up for lessons.

But, I did have two friends who were older classmen — 3 years my senior, to be exact.  They were twin sisters and one played the trombone, the other the clarinet — both willing to teach me if I pick up their instrument.

Perfect.

My decision would come down to those two instruments.

Still unsure which way to go I spoke with the music teacher who taught me recorder two years before.  Presenting her with my options I sought her opinion.  “You will have a very hard time with the clarinet,” she offered kindly, but directly.

There you have it, problem solved, decision made.  I will play the trombone.

When I recounted the decision to each of them to let them know my clarinet-playing friend was indignent; “She has no right to tell you you can’t play the clarinet!”

I was not expecting that response.

Should I be annoyed at the words of my music teacher?  Should I be offended that she gave her informed decision on the best choice for me?  I wasn’t annoyed nor was I offended, but should I be?

I quickly processed all of that in the moments after the words came out of her mouth and responded with, “But she is right.  I would never be able to play all of the notes.  The trombone is a wiser choice.”

There is much talk about not limiting our kids.

Whether due to a deformity or just in general.  There is a prideful tendency in me to buck up against anyone that said I can’t do something.  “I’ll prove them wrong” is often my mental response.

But is that always the right response?

I could have scoffed at my music teachers words and said, “I’ll prove you wrong.”  I could have chosen the clarinet and worked hard to make it work for me.  (and probably would have been miserable for another year of music)

I could have allowed my friend’s indignation to fuel me with the thoughts of, “You’re right!  She can’t say that to me.  I can choose whatever instrument I want to.” (But to do so would have simply been weakness — weakness in allowing myself to be manipulated to the whims of others, whether intentional or unintentional manipulation).

 

The trombone was indeed the best and right choice.  I was not offended by my music teacher’s honestly.  Rather I have always appreciated her frank response.  I am grateful she was willing to be so honest and direct and give a vague but lazy answer of, “You can do whatever you want to do.”

It is true, I could have made either choice, but one choice was wiser than the other.  I could have allowed pride to fuel me and gutted out another year of music, but for what?  Instead I picked an instrument compatible with my challenges and I loved it!